Moving On

With the release of the results last Wednesday, the suspense thriller that is the Board Exam has now ended, and so somehow, the much-heated blog discussion regarding this subject can also be officially put to rest. Well at least, until the next installment of the Nightmare on Board Exam Street comes. When that time comes, raves and rantings about the Board Exam will again resurface, and so will the perennial mystery question: “Did he pass?”

Also, with the release of the results, I also have lifted my self-imposed hiatus from uploading articles. To those who are keeping track, it has been around 3 weeks since my last (long) blogger article, and 2 weeks since my last comment. Someone in the message board has also commented that there has not been much activity for the past week or so. Not that I’m saying that I am the cause of these, but I find it a little interesting that simultaneous to my recluse, the non-activity also happened. In his personal blog, Johannes (or at least to be technically-correct, in fairness to “Anonymous”, someone who claims to be “Johannes”) would refer to this symptoms to “slacking”.

But I am not slacking. At least, I don’t think I am.

I have been busy the past 2 weeks, not just with my academic works, but also with my other extra co-curricular activities. This includes, among others, finishing our group’s final reports from last semester, doing desktop wallpapers doodles, fine-tuning a paper to be presented at a convention (hopefully), watching movies both on the big and small screen, and continuing to follow-up respondents for my informal, non-sanctioned research about student orgs. I also found time to attend the dramatic script-writing workshop that Nap posted about a week ago.

I also have some 2-3 articles already lined up, although they are just lined up, with splashes of incoherent topic sentences here and there. Originally, when I started blogging, I have made it a point of uploading at least 1 one article per week. Just to keep my mind and writing skills sharp.

But Board Exam came. And then my article about it. And then the reactions from all sides. Since there was too much activity at that time, I decided to just sit back and watch the show unfold. Also, since the Board Exam results haven’t released yet, I figured that no one will pay good attention to any new topic that might be brought up since the “hot” item is still the Board Exam.

That sounds like a nice justification for “slacking”. But what really pushed me to “slack” was the feeling that I’m getting from the audience here that they do not want to hear “negative news”. For those that are updated to the goings-on around here, you may notice that some people have commented that I’m too pessimistic, that my articles are somewhat depressing in tone, and that I delve into the problem too much, that I do not actually do anything to help solve that problem.

And although I have tried to explain why my writing is such, and that I am actually doing something about it, people still get the impression that I’m too cynical to do anything productive, and that I want others to join me in my world of misery.

I then began to think that maybe my style of writing is not suitable here, that maybe the brooding tone of my articles does not sit too well with the audience in this blogspace. I’m not actually saying that these people do not like my writing (nobody has yet stated that explicitly, thankfully); it’s just that they do not prefer to hear negative thoughts. It’s like some sort of paranoia creeping into me, that I’m feeling everyone is against me. Maybe I had watched too many conspiracy theory movies.

And so, I decided to stop uploading my articles for a while.

I also took these two weeks of non-blog activity as an opportunity to reflect on the following:
Were my articles really that depressing? And if it were really depressing, then how would you have preferred to have it said, such that the message gets across while still maintaining a happy disposition? Are my methods of communication poor such that people do not get my message across even if I have explained it already in simple phrases?

I have considered writing my articles more cheerfully, ala a typical Disney cartoon, complete with happy, fairy tale endings. But then, that would have lessen the impact of the message I’m trying to convey. It’s like having the Godfather trilogy end with Michael Corleone still being the head of the Mafia Empire, and he and his wife, Kay Adams Mitchelson, getting back together, and that his daughter, Mary Corleone, and his step-nephew, Vinnie Corleone, get married, and have babies who will be the future Godfathers.

In the end of my so-called reflection, I came to the conclusion that maybe I’m just indeed paranoid. And that all this rambling is just an excuse to post yet another long article just to irritate Mr./Ms. Anonymous.

I also came to the assessment that blogging is NOT the best way to have a decent discussion about certain topics, especially the touchy ones (like the recent one about the UAP compulsory membership thing). The facial expressions, the tone, the hand gestures and the body language that come with saying what you have to say are lost in a conglomeration of expression-less words. Also, since the comments do not come instantaneously, there is much time lost in between replies, such that a topic may become stale even before people have commented on it.

And when you have not come to know in totality the person who wrote the article, you are more likely to misunderstand him/her, because your interpretation of the words that are appearing in the screen are based on your perspective, and NOT on the writer’s perspective. If you are in a jolly mood that day, like for example, learning that you passed the board exam, then you will see the article in a more positive light. If you are in a bad mood that day, like for example, learning that you flunked the board exam, then you will see the article in a gloomy light. The discussions will even reach a higher pitch if people who are involved in the discussions use aliases which do not reveal their true identities.

But nevertheless, best way or not, this blogger is still an appealing venue for people to sound off what’s on their mind. They may not be the best thoughts that are popping out of their noggin, but still, ideas are ideas, and no matter how you deny it, they give us variety. Whether that variety is good or not, now that, is a good subject for debate in itself.

And just by writing this article, somehow I have reinforced to myself that blogging is indeed appealing, and that it is a nice venue to sound off what’s on my mind. And that it doesn’t matter whether people agree with your viewpoint or not, or that you cannot form a consensus regarding a topic. There are other venues to do that, like for example, this bok talk that’s coming up tomorrow. Now that’s a better way of discussion. Face to face. Comment as they come, with no delays. No aliases. No hidden identities. Unless someone comes with a mask.

And so, I’ve decided to lift my self-imposed work stoppage, and continue to upload articles. I cannot guarantee that I will change the brooding tone of my writing, nor can I guarantee that I will not ruffle the feathers of the readers. What I can guarantee though is that they will be long, since the brain is just churning out ideas so fast that it seems to be a waste not to put them in writing.

So let this serve to be a warning for all those people who do not like long blogs. Because it will be long.

.